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ColouryourLove

Before the wedding

50 questions to ask before you get married

The venue is booked. These are the conversations the planning does not schedule. Do them separately first, then compare — the point is not to agree on every answer, it is to find out where you differ before the day does it for you.

1. Money

  1. 1.What does financial security mean to each of us?
  2. 2.Who pays for what, and who decides?
  3. 3.What debt are we each bringing in?
  4. 4.Do we merge accounts or keep them separate?
  5. 5.What is our monthly spending ceiling before we check in?
  6. 6.What would we cut first if our income dropped?
  7. 7.How do we feel about lending money to family?
  8. 8.What are we saving for after the wedding?
  9. 9.Who handles the admin, and who checks it?
  10. 10.What is our plan if one of us stops working?

2. Families

  1. 11.How much say do our families get in the wedding?
  2. 12.What happens when our parents disagree with us?
  3. 13.Which traditions do we keep, and which do we drop?
  4. 14.How will we split holidays?
  5. 15.What do we do when a family member oversteps?
  6. 16.How close do we want to live to each family?
  7. 17.What is our rule for visits?
  8. 18.How do we handle money lent by family?
  9. 19.What do we do if a family member becomes unwell?
  10. 20.What do we want our families to know about us?

3. The wedding day

  1. 21.What matters most on the day, and what can go wrong?
  2. 22.Who has the final say on the guest list?
  3. 23.What is our budget, and what is the buffer?
  4. 24.What do we do if the venue cancels?
  5. 25.How do we handle a guest who drinks too much?
  6. 26.What do we want the ceremony to say about us?
  7. 27.Who are our witnesses, and why them?
  8. 28.What do we do if one of us panics?
  9. 29.What is the plan for the morning after?
  10. 30.What will we do with the photos and the dress?

4. The first year

  1. 31.Where do we live, and for how long?
  2. 32.How do we divide chores?
  3. 33.What is our bedtime and phone rule?
  4. 34.How much time alone do we each need?
  5. 35.How do we handle a bad week?
  6. 36.What do we do when we disagree about money?
  7. 37.How do we stay close to our friends?
  8. 38.What is our plan if one of us changes job?
  9. 39.How do we talk about sex?
  10. 40.What does a good Sunday look like?

5. The argument that repeats

  1. 41.What is the argument we keep having?
  2. 42.What is each of us trying to protect in it?
  3. 43.What do we each do that makes it worse?
  4. 44.What would a ten-minute pause look like?
  5. 45.What is our repair sentence?
  6. 46.Who do we call when we are stuck?
  7. 47.What is never acceptable in a fight?
  8. 48.How do we know when to stop?
  9. 49.What do we do the day after?
  10. 50.What are we both willing to try for a month?

Do not score each other

This is not a test and there is no pass mark. If one question opens something bigger, stop and stay there. The free two-minute quiz gives you a shared language for the rest.

Take the free quizThe Signature Journey